I am hitting the half way mark of my internship and I had my second major break down yesterday night. The trigger of it all I think was my canadian sister Jacqui (I really do not know what I would do with out her support here... probably be more crazy then I currently am) living with me who started to cry because she was thinking of the shock that will happen when she goes home... the comfortabilities of Canada and our safe reality. As well a few of the kids at work expressed that they would miss me when I left and asked if I would return. I really cannot stand to be emotional here because it will "eat me alive" as my sister in Amsterdam has politely reminded me. But I do just some times need to cry to get it out of my system.
Its not right to be full out depressed when you get back from an experience such as this but we are just human. I know I just need to channel my emotions into something positive such as continually promoting the NGO I am working with back home. I know I will keep in touch with the kids by sending letters and packages. They are in my heart now and I will never let them leave it. At times I think I am too fragile to be here but then at other times I know I can tough it out and learn to focus. But that is all a part of the self discovery of this internship eh? What a wonderful but sometimes painful concept.
Have to be strong, Have to be tough have to focus on what needs to be done. Oh Abidjan... why do you do this?
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2 comments:
Good luck, Marsh! For sure I'm incapable of understanding your emotions right now, but just so you know, your strength so far has been an inspiration to me... every time I doubt my capacity in taking on a DT I am reminded of you. Thank you!
Of course there are always many more things that can be said/done/wished/hoped for but just do what you can do and allow yourself to feel it. Everything you're feeling right now, afterall, is all part of your experience in Abidjan. I'm sure you know this already, though. Take care, m'dear!
Love,
Ada
Hey Marcia, I love your blog. I read it a while back and always wanted to leave a comment, but never got the chance to.
ANyway, all I can say is...no matter how sad you are feeling, keep your chin up.. Coming home from an internship is a very familiar feeling for me and although it didn't seem so pleasant at the time..talk about reverse culture shock! I can honestly say that the only thing that kept me going back then were the happy memories and the excitement of having a future that promises more wonderful life-changing experiences to look forward to!!! The sadness will go away eventually. You'll meet more people and travel more places...The world is a big place :) hugs, Amy
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