Return culture shock (6 days since I have been home)

I have been home for about 6 days now and it has been extremely difficult for me. I love seeing my friends and family but I terribly miss my family back in Abidjan (by family I do not only mean my host family but the AIESECERs as well). I was and am still fully integrated into the ivorian culture that is was so difficult for me to leave. I long for the day that my two worlds can meet. I can honestly say I am a different person. Which is not a bad thing at all but I just can't connect to certain topics to discuss certain topics in the same demeanor as I use to. Of course anyone who comes back from an experience like this has a set of new eyes for the world and their attitude changes. I have been trying to reflect on what I have really learned these past 3 months and it is just too overwhelming for me. Obviously I didn't change the world... really we can only make a difference step by step. And I want to share all that I have experienced and will share it but just not right now... at least not all at once. I need a few more weeks to get my head into place. I know I am feeling that sense of "return culture shock" and find myself being angry at some of the attitudes back home. However I am thankful to have my parents here to talk me through it. I have learned to really appreciate my family for all their knowledge and all they have done and are doing for me. Since my return home, I have found that I sometimes cry for no apparant reason. I am just so frustrated with what I am suppose to do now. What is the best way I can quote on quote help. Thinking, reflecting and talking to my family and friends I've realized the best way I can "make a difference" is to share my experiences. There is only so much that I can do at this stage in my life, I have no money, I am not done school yet so as my dad has told me "you need to put on your life jacket before you can help others". So I guess that is as good as I can do for now.... keep in touch with my loved ones in Abidjan, keep volunteering here in Canada, Share my experiences with others and gain more self growth and knowledge then in a few years I can be ready to go back and really "help".

One interesting thing is that in my last 2 weeks in Abidjan I had gone through emotions and observations that I hadn't seen in the months before. My feelings changed about my boss, family and NGO and those will be topics that will be discussed in my "final" blog of this incredible experience next week.

One thing that has stayed the same is that I will never forget Abidjan CHIC CHOC. Yes it sounds cheesy but it was a "life-changing experience". One that I will forever remember and talk about.

Popular club song in Abidjan... this reminds me so much of the city (please disregard the video and just listen to the song).... DJ Lewis - Sans guebe:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ErkQD8FL5aI

Coming up: Reflection on my last 3 months in Abidjan

Materially... left with nothing but Personally and whole heartedly... left with all I truly need.

This past week has been quite overwhelming. Through a span of 7 short days I have probably gone through the largest range of emotions I have ever gone through in my life.

The story:

Last wednesday... I had gotten all of my material items stolen. That includes my back pack with my computer, passport, wallet, identification, cellphone, work material, USB key and umbrella. Basicallly all of my technological and identification belongings were stolen. Now how exactly did this happen... it wasnt by force but by manipulation. Yes I can say that I got scammed and it is true that I am a bit angry that this happened but I have learned to move on and grow from this experience. It was a nice afternoon last wednesday and I decided to take a 20 minute walk from Carre Four La vie to Socece. During this walk I started to talk to a local as he had asked me where this pharmacy was. And seeing that I have been here the last two months with no serious problems talking to people on the street and just being very friendly I of course offered to help him ask someone else where this pharmacy was. But what I didnt know then was the man that we had asked ended up being his accomplis. Long story short he was talking to me about god and sorcerers and how I need to take a rock and sand and put it in my hand, give him my sac and walk a bit forward and all of my "malheur" will be gone. Of course at first when my head was clear and correct I had refused him many times as it really is a ridiculous thing to do. But as we got to talking further and further my mind seemed to drift off into another reality and I think I got so engaged in the conversation that after 20 minutes of insisting and insisting I ended up doing exactly what he said. The weird thing is that once I stopped... my head cleared and I turned around and realized that both of the men were gone. Then came the tears... I realized that I am in a foreign country without my passport, without my money and literally do not know what to do. Thankfully I met someone who spoke english and gave me money to take a taxi home. Of course once I got home I burst in tears talking to my Maman and we went straight away to the police station to declare my things stolen. A proccess that in itself is another story to tell. But Apparently this kind of theft is common in Abidjan and almost every person has gone through a similar ordeal.

AIESEC:

Through this whole ordeal. The AIESECers have been nothing but a wonderful support network. Not only my local AIESEC Cocody but the other locals as well especially AIESEC Bouake. They provided words of encouragement, hugs and help in finances (I am so lucky to have a great support network of not only AIESEC locals but of amazing Interns in Abidjan).

African Family:

I have realized how much of a support network I need to get through situations and I especially need that family feeling. One that I definitely get from my host family in Abidjan. I absolutely love them and grateful for them.

Embassy:

I am absoutely grateful to be a canadian citizen. The Embassy has been a wonderful help in this whole ordeal. Although there is not many people that speak English... I think that if you absolutely only speak English they will find someone to help you. Otherwise they will talk to you in French. However I do feel like that once I payed the fee things sped up a bit more.

Parents and sisters:
Through this I have realized that I am still young and that I do still need my real family to be there for me. Without the help from my sisters and parents I would of probably not gotten things sorten out. They give me a strength that I do not even know I have in me.

I find myself reflecting on my whole internship here and now need to focus back on my purpose. What do I want to do in the last 2 weeks in this absolutely overwhelming but amazing country? I am trying to think of what I can do back home and what I need to bring back. I just cannot believe how much my feelings have changed in the past week. I find myself a different person in the sense that I know my capabilities and my strength. It is amazing how we can adapt in the most difficult situations. And that is when you know how strong you are. I am so grateful that my parents brought me up with a straight head... yes a head that can sometimes be careless or naive but a strong head when needed.

Life and its lessons.... You know through this all I go back to god and think yes he wanted me to go through this. I do not know why but he did.

Less then a month for "reality" to start again

I officially have less then a month until I leave to go back home to Calgary. And at this point my feelings are all over the place. I constantly have thoughts of... am I ready to go home? How is life going to be when I return? My Canadian sister left last week and it is just so strange not being with her anymore. I am surviving on my own and am not full out depressed but I guess it just takes a while to get use to it.

I have figured out who I can really count on here and the people I would really love to get to know more.

I am trying my best to cherish these last few weeks in Abidjan and know that it will be difficult for me to come back. Just to go back to the comfortabilities will be strange. But then at the same time I am so excited to go back to school, gain knowledge and make more of an impact with what I have learned. Plus I cannot wait to share my stories with everyone.

Oh mon dieu, les personnes en Abidjan sont tellement fou mais je t'aime avec tous mon coeur. Je ne sais pas comment je peut dire aux enfants en travaille: "Oh non, pas la semaine prochaine... c'est mon dernier journee au travaille". I have just gotten so use to always telling them... yes I will see you next wednesday or "Semaine prochaine (avec les bissoux)".

This is the extremely difficult part... "leaving".

Canada day... in cote d'Ivoire

To tell you the truth... I have never celebrated Canada day. Really it is not a big deal in Calgary, or maybe it is because I am foreign.

But I did get to celebrate it in Cote d'Ivoire. It just so happens that July 1 landed on a Wednesday (that only day the kids come to work)... so of course I had to celebrate our national holiday with them. How do you ask? By the ingenious idea of making paper birthday hats. I placed pictures of "Canada" on paper and we made them into cones and attached string to make a lovely "chapeau". It was an exhausting but amazing day! They were just so thrilled.

Things at work right now are a bit slow and I really do not do very much except for on Wednesdays with the kids. They really are the only reason why I am staying... I can't say that I am leaving earlier then before because not only would they be heart broken but I would be heart broken as well. I think I am just going through the typical roller coaster of emotions you go through when you are working abroad. The ASK program with AIESEC also has come to a small halt as they are trying to organize the second part of the program. So I really do not have much to do... but we are taking some trips out of the city this week, hopefully this will wake me up and take me out of this slum.

Oh mon dieu... the kids at work play with my heart too much, hopefully they will enjoy the other activities I have planned for the upcoming weeks.

Tourist or Local?

Traveling is well meant for traveling. But an internship is meant for fully integrating into the society. I have been having a very hard time lately thinking about my purpose and my actions here. To tell you the truth Cote d'Ivoire is not a "touristy" place... especially Abidjan, there aren't museums everywhere or even extremely special places to go. The last two months I have been here, I have been fully integrating into the local. And you know what... I am happy with that.

I do not have a billion pictures of Cote d'Ivoire but I do have lasting relationships with individuals here (which I think is something much more special). 

But of course at times my inner "tourist" comes out and I long to look for things to do but just end up sleeping or going to campus. We ended up going to the zoo last weekend... which is a strange concept, a zoo in Abidjan. But like all zoos it was a bit depressing... the animals were not well fed and were practically roaming around with no cages. It was quite the experience. And this upcoming weekend we get to go to the famous Yamoussoukro with the largest Basilica in the world... It is apparently more stunning than the vatican.

6 more weeks in Abidjan... It has gone by so fast and in a sense I am ready to leave but in another sense I am not ready to leave this wonderful country. My Canadian sister Jacqui is leaving in 2 weeks so it will be quite the experience being truly "alone" for my last month here. We live and work and the same place so it will be quite the drastic change. But although I will miss her terribly and will probably break down more than often without here, I am excited to experience being by "myself". 

My heart is truly in Abidjan... Mon coeur est vraiment en Abidjan <3

You have to toughen up

I am hitting the half way mark of my internship and I had my second major break down yesterday night. The trigger of it all I think was my canadian sister Jacqui (I really do not know what I would do with out her support here... probably be more crazy then I currently am) living with me who started to cry because she was thinking of the shock that will happen when she goes home... the comfortabilities of Canada and our safe reality. As well a few of the kids at work expressed that they would miss me when I left and asked if I would return. I really cannot stand to be emotional here because it will "eat me alive" as my sister in Amsterdam has politely reminded me. But I do just some times need to cry to get it out of my system.

Its not right to be full out depressed when you get back from an experience such as this but we are just human. I know I just need to channel my emotions into something positive such as continually promoting the NGO I am working with back home. I know I will keep in touch with the kids by sending letters and packages. They are in my heart now and I will never let them leave it. At times I think I am too fragile to be here but then at other times I know I can tough it out and learn to focus. But that is all a part of the self discovery of this internship eh? What a wonderful but sometimes painful concept.

Have to be strong, Have to be tough have to focus on what needs to be done. Oh Abidjan... why do you do this?

"Be the change you want to see in the world" - Ghandi

As I am hitting my one month mark in this country I find myself constantly questioning the purpose of this internship and the purpose of me being here. It frustrates me when I feel like I can't do anything productive and the only thing that I have to give is my love. I know I cant say that me being here will change the world but at least making some sort of difference would be fantastic.

But if you think about it what does it mean to "make a difference". In a sense this internship is selfish (it has a lot to do with personal growth). But in another sense there is that element of cultural exchange, for individuals from different parts of the world to share their ideologies to know that we are all looking out for each other and that the best thing that we can do in new societies is to have an open mind. Yes this sounds fluffy, but it is true.

I have just gotten out of a meeting with all of the staff of Le Soutien (www.lesoutien.org) ... the organization is currently going through problems with finances (a constant problem for many non for profits) and they are going to have to shut down their main office in Deux Plateaux (area in Abidjan) but that doesn't mean the organization is going to stop. The hard core work (base) is done in Youpoggoun (Another area in Abidjan). I am constantly amazed with this non for profit and wish that I could give them finances myself. Le soutien works in many areas and in particular with OVCs (Orphans and vulnerable children affected and infected by HIV/AIDS). Basically every Wednesday the children come to the bureau and have a day of activities, they play, eat, learn some lessons, if they need medicines they can get them here as well they can get counselling (depending on their age group: there are three age groups... the first is 1 - 5 years the second is 6-11 years and the last group is 12 - 17 years). But the whole purpose of them coming is to create a family, a community of non-discrimination. It is a time where they can just be kids. And really my role is to play with them and to be a part of the activities. Many times I am discouraged because I wish I could do more but then thinking about it through a sustainable view, that is the best task that I can do. Because taking on a huge role will not work for a 3 month internship. I really need to take all the experiences I learn here back home.

Another project that Le Soutien is working on is Project NUNSSEU (The child is the future) this is a project based in Danane (Village in the North of Cote D'Ivoire)... in a period of 3 years (10 villages each year). What Le Soutien does is that the counselors in Danane go to each village and help to mobilize the village. What I found out is that... Women are the key factor in everything. So Le soutien provides Womens groups with land so that they can make money and feed their children. Since the village sees this positive impact that Le Soutien does then they can trust the organization and are able to be mobilized on topics such as SIDA/VIH (AIDS/HIV). It is quite a complicated but logical system.

One of my co workers told me that hopefully we will be able to go to Danane before the end of our internships. They go at least once a month, depending on funding and talking about finances at the meeting today their probably will not be a trip this month.

This organization is so amazing, and I really hope to learn and make as much of a contribution as I can. It also makes me want to create my own non profit organization (if only it was that easy :) ). As Ghandi amazingly put: "Be the change you want to see in the world". Sometimes, that is the best thing that we can do.

IMPORTANT Side note: As for all non for profits, funding is a big issue and that is the main problem for Le Soutien (www.lesoutien.org), they are providing such a necessary and great service to OVCs (Orphans and vulnerable children infected and affected by HIV/AIDS) and to many villages in Cote d'Ivoire. In Africa, the reality is so different from the "western world". Non for profits and passionate people are necessary here in order for the reality to improve. My heart hurts for this organization... please if you know anyone or if you have advice on how we can find funders contact me at marcia.tiro@gmail.com or post a message on this blog, It's a big task to under take but all we can really do is try.